funny thing happened on my way to writing an amazing blog

I laugh at myself, I think I do at least, maybe ... if not laugh, then I'd just beat myself up for being such a slacker absent minded schlub. I have these great ideas ... yes, yes, log my journey ... and then, as is the story of  my life ... great ideas, no follow through.

Thankfully our God doesn't operate the same way I do ... "I have plans to prosper you ... if I remember, in case I forget ... pray ... remind me ..."

i wonder about prayer ... i think i can get stuck in so much logic and reverse logic and maybe even recursive logic (is there such a thing?) do calvinists really believe that praying for other people (like if they're sick) doesn't "work"that the sole purpose of praying is to 'enhance' your walk with God? that just doesn't make sense! if that's true, then why did Paul say, in letters, that he is praying for his brothers and sisters in the new churches ... right? am i right? do i have it wrong? i think the only calvin i like is the one with a stuffed tiger named hobbes as his best bud.

so, back to prayer (forget you calvin!) ... what is the purpose of prayer? does God 'change His mind?' ... "Lord please heal this person," or "Lord give me wisdom." .. does that mean that God hadn't intended on giving it to me, but "since you asked..." or then there's people that say 'God knew you were going to pray for it' ... or maybe it's just simple -- like (on a grander scale) how I might buy some prize for my son, or a bag of candy or something, and it's his ... I'm just waiting for him to ask for it?

oh, this just reminds me of so much more that i just DON'T GET! how do you have a relationship with God? how do you hear Him? i say i "follow peace" (well, try to) .. is that it?? ooohhhhh, i long for a time when God's voice was heard easily ... was it ever? When God spoke to Abraham, was it audible?

i know that evil tries to destroy all things God meant for good ... family, food, love, relationships, and prayer -- i worry that i'm fake (thanks to .. well, i won't say that), i worry that my prayers aren't biblical, i worry that my prayers are pathetic, i worry that my prayers are selfish, i worry that my prayers aren't heard, i worry that i worry ... i know, He did not give me a spirit of worry or fear ...

sigh ... 'show me Your ways, O Lord, teach me Your paths' ....