consider this???

it was proposed to me that perhaps the contact on facebook wasn't the work of 'he-who-should-not-be-named' .. but that maybe it's God. maybe it's God bringing another layer of healing to my life. maybe it's God bringing healing to the boy's (now a man)'s life ...

hmmm ... i really hadn't considered that at all.

this morning i took a shower (go figure right!?!) -- after my thorough spider check of the shower & my towels of course -- i had my iphone playing, on shuffle -- does God control the shuffle on my itunes? first came 'Curse of Blood' (bye the AWE band) , then came 'I'm not who I was' (by Brandon Heath).

really? is it random .. or is it God?

reminding me that I am NOT who i was, i am not condemned because of my past. I am a new creation in Him.

hmmmmm

really?

i guess i should take it as a positive thing.

spiders. spiders spiders everywhere spiders. i am so afraid of spiders, and why, lately, are they just everywhere! my fear of spiders is so irrational that i can't even think of pictures of spiders without really freakin out. i don't go places, because there might be spiders there. soon i might not be able to go to my garage, because of spiders. i consider not going on my anual thanksgiving paint ball vacation to my bff's, because .. of spiders. why is this so strong now? nothing has really changed ... but me.

and then ... facebook ... is it a 'coincidence' that as i've talked about my past, and about the decision that has haunted me for 25ish years, and have found freedom from and forgiveness for .. that THAT boy (man) has seemingly coincidentally found me on facebook? and sent a friend request? WHY NOW?

i see this all as tools. digs. shims. implements intended to separate me from He who LOVES ME.

Lord ... give me strength. Give me Your Grace. I can't live this day on my own. Remind me of who YOU are.