really?

i guess i should take it as a positive thing.

spiders. spiders spiders everywhere spiders. i am so afraid of spiders, and why, lately, are they just everywhere! my fear of spiders is so irrational that i can't even think of pictures of spiders without really freakin out. i don't go places, because there might be spiders there. soon i might not be able to go to my garage, because of spiders. i consider not going on my anual thanksgiving paint ball vacation to my bff's, because .. of spiders. why is this so strong now? nothing has really changed ... but me.

and then ... facebook ... is it a 'coincidence' that as i've talked about my past, and about the decision that has haunted me for 25ish years, and have found freedom from and forgiveness for .. that THAT boy (man) has seemingly coincidentally found me on facebook? and sent a friend request? WHY NOW?

i see this all as tools. digs. shims. implements intended to separate me from He who LOVES ME.

Lord ... give me strength. Give me Your Grace. I can't live this day on my own. Remind me of who YOU are.